I'm a big girl. I'm just a hair shy of 5'10" tall and I have a pretty large frame. Even at my thinnest and most fit, my clothing size is in the double digits. In fact, I've been wearing adult women's sizes since middle school. I have never been dainty a day in my life. Add to that the extra 50+ lbs I've been carrying around for the past several years, and you have an idea of what I mean by "big."
Despite my size, I try not to let my outward appearance determine my self-worth. I'm in the process of trying to lose a lot of weight, but primarily so I can be healthy, not skinny. Even though my body image is mostly positive, I do have my moments of insecurity, self-consciousness, and embarrassment. It's just not easy being a big girl in our culture.
Every once in a while, something happens to remind me of the value of our earthly bodies. We do so much more than just get looked at and judged by others. Our bodies are constantly doing useful things in our work and and personal lives. Obviously being pregnant and giving birth are huge reminders of the amazing things that a human body can do. Parenthood provides other such reminders as well, and I received a wonderful one this weekend. For a little while, I held all 3 of my beautiful sons in my ample lap! It was a tight squeeze; I really don't know if I could have held them all if my legs were shorter or my thighs were lean and small.
I had Lonnie snap a picture because I wanted to remember the moment. Gabriel is a big kid already, and I know James will be a toddler like Luke much sooner than we'd like. Who knows how many chances I will have to hold my boys like that? And it was such a lovely, organic moment too. I was holding James in my lap for a minute so he could watch some of a Baby Einstein DVD. The music caught Luke's attention and he came right over and plopped down in my lap too. Gabriel has to do everything Luke does, so within seconds he was filling up the remaining space, and there we were! Unfortunately our camera was not quick enough to catch another precious moment...after Lonnie took the first photo, Luke turned and hugged James! It was too sweet!
So here is a photo of a big girl who for once was glad to have a really big lap. :)